It Never Ends
by NoNature
Summary: Post Eulogy, Helen is contemplating the last few weeks events and makes some confessions to Will after he finds her on the roof. NO PAIRING Helen and Will are just friends in my world. Read&Review is appreciated.


**(Okay so I saw one of my mates post a status on Facebook of some lyrics from a song I knew and it triggered the startings of this fic in my mind. This story is based off part of that song's lyrics and I have used the lyrics I based it off in this fic as dialogue, though I have obviously changed them around slightly to accommodate the fic**. **1000 points to whoever can guess the song. And just to be clear, not the whole song is in here only a certain part of the lyrics are since the rest of the song doesn't really go.)**

_3 months ago they took her._

Will lethargically made his way to his room, making little to no effort to pick up his feet as he did.

_A week ago they'd lost her._

He was tired and too many thoughts crowded in his mind. It had been a long day, hard, painful, emotionally exhausting.

_Yesterday there had been hope._

But not only just for him, in fact out of everyone he was sure his pain was insignificant compared to theirs, compared to hers.

_Today they had said goodbye._

She had lost her daughter, the one true thing in this life that kept her going, kept her fighting, kept her living. So yes, definitely insignificant.

Will reached his door and moved to turn the handle, something stopped him. He had a single thought surface in amongst the mess that was his mind. He wasn't entirely sure that he should act on it though. Right now Magnus, being the woman that she was, would probably want to be left alone.

But he couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling he had and after another moments thought, he backed away from the door and made his way over to his Boss's room. Lifting his fist to knock he once again stilled, someone was watching him.

Looking to the right where he could feel the pair of eyes on him he found the big guy giving him a questioning look.

"She's not in there." He gruffed.

Will looked back at the door and carelessly dropped his arm back to his side. He sighed and turned to face Bigfoot.

"Well where is she then?"

Instead of answering him the big guy simply raised his arm and pointed to the ceiling. Will thought for a few moments as he let his eyes follow the big guy's arm before rolling them and bending backwards as if realisation had just hit him.

He jumped into action and sped past the big guy, slapping him on the shoulder and tossing a thanks at him as he went.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The crisp air made a startling impact on Helen's face every time it passed by, she had forgotten how windy it could get up here.

She could feel a figure appear behind her, immediately sensing young William's presence as he emerged from the doorway.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Will's breathing slowed significantly as he exited the stone stairwell and saw her huddled, arms crossed, standing at the edge of the building's roof. He knew that she knew he was there, so he waited for her to acknowledge him.

He didn't have to wait long.

"What do you want Will?" That smooth British accent cutting through the cool air.

He slowly stepped closer to her and laid a warm hand on her shoulder, making her ever so slightly glance over her shoulder before returning her gaze back to the view. He also peered out at the city before them.

"I see why you come up here." He sighed.

"She silently nodded, feeling more emotion build within her and not completely trusting her voice. He continued on with what he could imagine she'd say.

"It's a good place to think, gives your mind room to roam, makes you feel like you can breathe." He broke off with another sigh. Lowering his head for a moment, he spoke once more.

"Makes you forget." Even though Will's statement was a generalisation, at the same time it held such weight for both of them.

They both continued to stare out at the magnificent view.

He let his hand drop from her shoulder and she felt the warmth that had formed there disappear and be replaced with an even colder air than before.

Will shoved his hands into his pockets and locked his arms to his sides before relaxing them. He took several steps backwards.

"I'll uh, leave you to… yeah." He turned away from her and made it to the doorway just as he heard her sniff.

"Will?" He immediately stopped and swung around, she still hadn't moved nor was she facing him.

"Yeah?" He quietly replied.

"Was there something that you wanted?" That was her way of telling him that she didn't want him to leave. Her tone wasn't harsh, in fact she sounded broken, nothing like the Helen Magnus any of them knew.

Will's brain stumbled for a moment until it finally kicked into gear and let his mouth respond.

"Just wanted to see if you were okay. Kinda a dumb thing to say I know." She had to smile at his honestly, but only slightly and it only lasted for a second.

He had moved closer to her once again and was now standing right behind her. She still didn't speak.

Thoughts consumed her head and swirled around like a violent hurricane making it impossible to hold onto a single one for more than a few seconds. Another thought flew through her mind, one which did stay and made her laugh.

Will heard it, it wasn't a proper laugh, it was a cold laugh, a hurt laugh, a painful laugh. A laugh that told him all he had already known.

Though he hadn't expected her to speak.

"Everything I've loved has turned into everything I've lost." There was that laugh again, cold, hurt, painful. Will didn't speak, he wasn't entirely sure how to respond anyway, though it wasn't long before she continued.

"It really has you know." Her voice was strained. Will moved up next to her and he could see the faint tear tracks on her cheeks reflect in the moonlight.

"I've said it once, twice, thousands of times, that I'm okay, that I'm fine." She sighed heavily and Will saw her bottom lip quiver momentarily.

She suddenly screwed her face up as if she was in intense pain and started to shake her head slowly. Letting out her breathing in controlled breaths she spoke again.

"I'm not fine." Her choked out confession shocked Will, Magnus never admitted anything like that, even if everyone knew it she never admitted it. Eventually her face relaxed and her breath quickened until she held it to calm herself down.

Will still stood silently, giving her room to continue in her own time.

"I wish it was all in my mind. I keep seeing it over and over again." Helen quickly turned to Will which mad him jump ever so slightly.

"It was a suicide." She whispered. "She killed herself to save me." Helen had turned back now, finding it harder and harder to keep her composure. This time Will was the one to break the silence that danced around them.

"No." One word, simple but it held so much.

Helen looked at him incredulously. He looked back, looked her dead in the eye shook his head.

"No. It was a war. She had already lost herself, saving you was the last bit of Ashley she had left and I don't blame her for taking it."

Helen let a painful frown grace her features and her eyes filled with fresh tears that threatened to spill over, she looked away.

"I think this one might get the best of me Will." She admitted, but he changed the subject.

"You need to get some sleep Magnus." He hadn't ignored her, it was his way of telling her that it would all be okay, that things would look better in the morning and that this wouldn't get the best of her.

She quickly shook her head.

"I can't." Her voice wavered. Those two words weren't just expressing her inability to sleep at the present, but also that she didn't feel that she could keep this up.

Will sighed, not out of annoyance but out of sorrow. This woman had lost so much and for her to lose her daughter, her only child, was indescribable. It was completely unfair.

"It never ends." Tears now fell freely from her eyes and Will wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but he didn't know if it would upset her more or not. Instead he stayed silent and didn't move.

"Every second, every minute, every hour, every day. The pain, it never ends." She was practically sobbing now and Will couldn't stand to hear it. He turned her and gently pulled her to him, tightly wrapping his arms around her. Her arms were still folded between them as she cried into his shirt.

They stayed liked that until she calmed and pulled back, his hands still on her elbows. Helen flashed Will a watery smile, her makeup horrendously smudged and she wiped at her eyes before placing a hand on his cheek.

"Thank you." She whispered. He almost hadn't caught it when the air threatened to carry it away. He smiled sadly and placed an arm around her shoulders. He led her to the doorway and back into the warmth.

One thing stuck in his mind though, she was right, it never would end. The pain would forever be there and in the end, they'd all just learn to live with its presence.

In the end, she'd just learn to live with its presence.

But today, right this moment, none of them had to, so none of them did.

**(Hope you enjoyed it, please Review!)**


End file.
